A smart woman 

smart woman

A smart woman will never become a good wife, because a smart woman will never marry... Really?

“Women are an occupation for the lazy ones.”
 (Bernard Show)

   Once Bernard Show put it good in one of his plays that women are an occupation for the lazy men. But what are men? Are men an occupation for the lazy women?  A marriage should be well thought of because if it is just a loss of time, then it is not worth getting married at all.

   Plato used to write that men and women were just halves of something inexplicable always in search for the other half in order to come together and become a unity. But this is partially true, because if the half does not fit into its right place—to the missing part of your soul—then you are lost.  Your body becomes deformed, disgusting and you are not a unity anymore, but a mere portrait of your nightmares. If you have to solve a handmade puzzle by putting the pieces of the puzzle together in order to obtain a beautiful image, then the pieces have to fit perfectly well. Marriage is something similar. It is a complicated decision that you have to make by solving your own puzzle that is hidden in your feelings, thoughts and emotions; it is the puzzle of love and completeness, unity and comprehensiveness. It is the bridge between ME and THE OTHER PERSON that you will have to cross constantly, day by day and you must be attentive in regards of what you set your foot on because the bridge might crush in a second and your precious illusions will be buried at the bottom.

   Marriage involves the participation of two halves: a man and a woman, a woman and a woman or a man and a man. In our case we imply that marriage on earth is a reflection of the marriage in heaven. And nobody has the right to judge two married women or men. Their halves fit perfectly in the imaginary puzzle and it means that there can be different unities and there are no established rules. We are humans and it means that we judge others through our own views. 

   But as we approach to the problem of marriage, we should consider the fact that there are many people who would not marry, because a smart woman or man (in homosexual couples or lesbian couples) will never become a good “wife” because he or she will never marry. Why? This is an ambiguous question. A question, that has become a dilemma of the XXI century. In comparison to other centuries, our century implies much more liberty of decision. If in the past women were obliged to get married and give birth to dozens of children, then nowadays this issue does not even arise as a problem. If I want to have children—then I give birth to children. If I do not want this—then I am free to be as I like. If I want to have an eminent carrier, then I dedicate my whole life to the achievement of my secret goals and aspirations. We are free to choose and nobody can make us do what we regard as being wrong. Not even our parents. They had their own life so they should know this motto by heart: “Live and let live”. Our parents shouldn’t rule our fates as we are the masters of our decisions. 

   Up to this moment we have come up to the definition of what it means to be a smart woman. Who is she “a smart woman”? Maybe not “smart” but “wise”? We have to try to answer this question because it is closely linked to our topic and it is a key issue of our dilemma. And the second question that we have to answer in parallel is the following: who is “a good wife”?

   In the past a smart woman was equal to a good wife (smart woman=good wife) because a smart woman knew how to oblige her husband to become faithful, or at least pretend that he is so. If he wasn’t faithful she would know how to handle the problem with the rival and the problem with the news that spread so quickly in order to protect her self-esteem and dignity.  She knew how to cook well (an extremely important element for the man), she used to do the housework, she would go shopping and she was a good mother as well, and we all know that little children are often such a headache! Oh, indeed, what a smart woman! And often such women did have a University degree. This example can be noticed in the famous film with Julia Roberts in the main part— “The smile of Mona Lisa”. Julia was a young teacher who was persuading the students (only girls) to study and get a degree and then get married. But she could do nothing in regards to the principles of that era when a smart woman was a good wife and this was like an arithmetical formula for that time being. Women thought that they had to get married in the first place. And they really did so underestimating their mental abilities and the opportunities that they would have in life: to travel, to meet intelligent people, to affirm their personalities and restructure the old mentality when the husband was a mixture of everything mentioned above: the most intelligent animal in the family.

    Nowadays women have much more opportunities and it depends on them whether to use these possibilities or to transform themselves into a household appliance. It doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t get married nor have children. It means that their husband should be the perfect part of the puzzle in order to construct a beautiful panorama. He can contribute greatly to his woman’s perfection. If he is not a mourning little sticky jelly ugly creature then he will not throw his boomerang socks into his wife’s career. He will be near; he will support her, give a good piece of advice and, as well, wash his underwear in a while, at least once in a week. But if he is the perfect-perfect-perfect part of the puzzle, then he will buy a washing machine and let his wife work on her international project that will bring her millions of dollars and admiration. And they will share this fortune together only if he is a smart man and he bought the washing machine in time. What I mean is that nowadays women can earn more than men. But a wise man will never feel inferior to his wife because a wise husband will never earn less. Or if he does earn less, then his true love will fill in the gap.

   Irina Păcurariu ia a famous Romanian reporter and here is what she says about women: “There are very few female personalities on the market and I think it is still our fault, we, who have the ability to promote them, should have helped them more. Many women have preferred to stay in the shadow of the men whom they made more powerful.” Women are sometimes guilty because they favor men and consider that a man “can do it better”. It is not always TRUE.  A man can carry a load much better because he is a man and he should carry and carry out. But there is the issue of equality between men and women that should also be taken into consideration. For example Catinca Roman, the chief-editor of the Romanian magazine “TABU” affirms that: “I do not believe in the equality between men and women and I do not think that there exists a woman that   does not want to be protected, supported and loved.” Even if a woman is smart enough to earn her own money and become independent she still needs love and affection. Eve was created for Adam to act together, to love each other, to take care of the animals, to complete each other and to help each other but she was not created to rule a company in Eden alone. Though  she was tempted by the apple offered by  the snake it means that she had this desire to make the decisions by herself and let the man follow her decisions that were absolutely wrong: they bit from the apple of knowledge, but they did it together. It means that men and women have to be two halves of a whole. Only then they can succeed perfectly. A smart woman will never become a good wife because a smart woman will remain alone. She will marry her career and her virginity in the moral sense.

     Then which is the right solution? Like Shakespeare put it: TO BE OR NOT TO BE? Women are confronting a huge psychological problem: whether they should be good mothers and wives or good bosses and administrators. The ideal situation encompasses both sides and this is the most difficult achievement of a woman in her life when she can proudly say: I am a successful business woman or scientist with a great family, a loving husband and educated children and I have seen a lot in my life.

   Semida Durigă: Do you get on well better with men or women?

   Catinca Roman: With men, though my best friend is a woman. A woman with a  male brain.


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